By: Susan Dugdale | Last modified: 01-19-2020 | First published: 10-01-2008
It was that time of year in the Toastmaster's Calendar for the humorous speech contest.
Who would enter?
I decided to. I hadn't entered that particular contest before, despite having given
numerous humorous speeches, sometimes even intentionally. It would be a challenge, a stretch and who
knows, it might even be a laugh!
I chose a self-deprecating topic, (poking fun at myself for the procrastination game I play over not writing the novel, play, short stories or poems I promise myself I will ), and mixed the ingredients carefully.
In short I included ALL the elements I know that make up "funny" in a humorous speech.
I've written about many of them on these pages:
I threw everything I had into it.
Unfortunately I forgot one element.
And that one teeny-tiny oversight was the largest of them all.
I'm tempted to write its name in a very little font because I'm embarrassed. This is definitely from my "should-have-known-better" file, which is, alas, quite large.
Quite simply I did not practice enough. And definitely not enough with an eye on the clock.
If I had, I would have realized my speech was too long. The result was inevitable. I got disqualified for going over the time allowance.
What I hadn't thought through was the laughter.
People laughing take up time! You have to wait for them to finish chortling before you go on.
And neither had I thought through my own capacity to respond to laughter.
I got bigger and better in delivery; encouraged and emboldened by an appreciative audience. The "biggerer and betterer" I got, the longer I took. Until ...
... suddenly there was the red light. For those of you who don't know, the red light in Toastmaster's means STOP. No more. Shut your mouth. Sit down.
Here are my lessons, learned the hard way:
1. Time waits for no man (or woman), not even funny ones. A time limit is finite.
As that famous old Shakespearean wind-bag Polonius ironically says; "Brevity is the soul of wit".
2. Practice may have made perfect but I'll never know because I didn't give myself the opportunity to find out.
3. Practice as if you are performing and if possible with an audience.
4. Practice with a stop watch but more than that, know the time you are taking for the introduction, middle and end so you can even them up if necessary.
5. Be prepared to ruthlessly cut if you find you're over time. Start with any multiple examples you've used to illustrate a main point. The weakest of these go first. Repeat until the entire speech is comfortably under the time limit, including pauses left waiting for laughter to subside.
You'll know what I'll be doing next time the humorous speech contest around.
And there will be a next time because one of the many benefits of Toastmaster's is that there is no real or permanent failure. There is experience and experience can be learned from.
My career as a humorous speaker may not have begun triumphantly but it is not over yet!
The text for my speech is here*. I converted it into a PDF with the thought that others may appreciate learning what-not-to-do from it!
(*Note added many years later.
On re-reading this I'm happy to say I still like a lot of it. However if I was ever to use the piece again, I would edit it mercilessly. I know my own writing weaknesses, and I know one of them is adding words. One more example. One more synonym because I like the sound of it. Those would go. Out. Gone. Cut. Good bye.)